pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
