Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
Randomize
