Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
PANTIES FOUND
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