I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
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