Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
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