Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
Randomize
