This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
