Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
Randomize
