There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
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