Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
All I want is dick and wine.
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
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