I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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