Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
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