textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
Randomize
