Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
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