So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
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