I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
Randomize
