a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
how drunk are you?
Several
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
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