When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Randomize
