barbara walters just said penis...
I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
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