Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
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