You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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