Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
Yo dont text me then not text me
just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
Randomize
