Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
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