Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Randomize
