yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
I love having hate sex.
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
Tornado booty call.. dedication
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Randomize
