Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
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