i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
