She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Randomize
