Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Randomize
