I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
Randomize
