i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
Randomize
