Well douche your snatch and let's go!
We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
Randomize
