What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
