Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
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