I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
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