I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
Drunk is not a location!
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
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