the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
Randomize
