I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
Randomize
