Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
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