I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
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