He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
