I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
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