Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
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