It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
Randomize
