Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
im six kinds of drunk right now
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
Randomize
