I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
