Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
Randomize
