But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
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