Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
She needs sedatives and a leash
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
Randomize
