So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
Randomize
