The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
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